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Vacation coming up soon.. Going to be spending two days and three nights in New Jersey, four days and three nights in Pennsylvania. WTT ought to be nice, a relief from all the pointless 'survival' work I've been doing. That's pretty much how I view my every day life; just pointless work to continue surviving, while I wait and build up some small amount of savings in hopes to come across the better plan. Find out what I'm meant for, or figure it out on my own.
I've been feeling more and more lately that I need to be working for a cause, but I'm not sure what cause and just don't have as much connection to the world around me as I'd like (well.. not that I'd always honestly care to be too much a part of the world). I don't have a computer, and no internet (only brief access at work when I can). I only have occasional late night/early morning access to television, so just end up watching SciFi or something with my room mate. Call people when I can, which isn't often enough, and there aren't always enough people to call, since they're not always available for me too call.
And I've never been all too good at making friends. It's not that I can't get along with people, just that well.. when it comes to things like friendship, I just have to let things go as they must. Occasionally bring up some notion, like ask for an email address or mention we should do something sometime. But, I'll never pry, it's just not me. I'm not a part of this world, in my own mind, and so I have to let the world come after me, if they want to.
I really feel the need to move on, like I don't belong in the place I'm at right now. I need to move in somewhere, some place where I have friends; physical friends that I can talk to any old day without having to use my phone card. And I need to find what cause is waiting for me to take it up. I've always felt the perfect thing for me in life would be to work with a bunch of friends toward something worthwhile, and to just have something that can bring in enough income to help me survive. Not that I've ever been too interested in survival either, but I know there are things I'm meant for, so I survive for the sake of finding out what they are, for the chance to work toward something good. Maybe even great.
All I can do is wait, and hope, and try.. and keep an eye out, or three, to make sure I don't overlook the opportunities presenting themselves.
Fortune Cookie (05/18/03, New China rest./DeLand, FL): "You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you."
