Mina no Blog!  

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Mina no Blog! archives


 
Well, I have officially been laid off. Free time abound. Thankfully, we've been assured that there will be no work available through the week, which means we will be getting our bonuses for having stayed through the end of our contract. Which means I should have money to buy a new vehicle! (*=D)

Am hoping to get a van.. something I could store all my junk in, and carry people with. I plan on taking a road trip if possible.

One thing that needs to get done (aside from acquiring a new vehicle), is making some phone calls and doing general research about possibly going back to school. The only problem I have is these mixed feelings inside.. As a human, there is that certain logic and need to live; that part that says going to school is what people my age should do, instead of wading through little jobs and scraping to survive. But.. there's something more in me that says it may be futile.

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a strange vain that's been going through the world lately.. but I do feel we are in a period of change. Whatever that means, I don't know; but it's quite possible the schooling would be meaningless in the end. Does that mean I shouldn't go? Not necessarily.. it's just possible that what I learn there would be relatively fruitless. Perhaps the answer would be simply to create a stern balance in my life. Go to school, but don't ignore everything else.

My other problem being simply a silly moral one; is it okay to do what I plan to do? The idea was that I would go to school and learn to design and develop video games. Which, although could be well developed and have content such to present positive messages.. it still aids people at indulging themselves in superficial pleasures. Am I doing something that could directly assist people?

You see, lately I've been feeling the need to deal with life itself; the real thing, the world around me. Helping people as much as I can. But doing something like programming video games probably would not be that.. no, not really. Unless they were educational games, perhaps. Even still.. it's a distraction.

To be honest, in that sense, I would feel better making music for a living; it's something I feel much more important to the world. But I don't know.. it's not something that I'd very seriously consider, since I've never had a particular talent in music, to my knowledge. :chuckle: It's just my silly mind going on..

It may seem like I'm reading too much into things on this matter; can I help that, though? Not really.. I do not actively over analyze (as I sometimes used to). It's something that nags at me, fairly consistantly.. perhaps I would be better writing books? Yet still, I am doing nothing to directly influence people.

Which leads to another thought.. does the world have room for a philosopher any more? Don't know that I'd ever really call myself that.. simply a relative term. I want to help people. And not in the sense that a doctor helps people, because most don't anyway. No.. I want to help the people, not the bodies. More of a 'Patch Adams' philosophy? :chuckle: Perhaps.. what I want is for people to be free. For them to realize they already are.

And maybe this is just me, longing for the paradise I know exists.. for the place within us all that should be all around us. The place that is all around us, that we destroy every day.

Another thing, of course, is that I won't claim to be healthy or wise enough to truly be able to help people. But I do what I can. Perhaps I am to continue down the middle road? It would be rather unlike me in most senses to go out of my way and over exert myself at a school like Full Sail, where I'd be working three quarters of each day toward projects that lead to a simple entertainment career.

And though I like to, as a person, be entertaining; I still don't believe entertainment itself is what I'm meant for. Something more.. something more..

  posted by 'Kash @ 5:38:14 AM


Tuesday, August 12, 2003  
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